(no subject)

[scotch_egg]

[following this]

To: "Auntie" Crowley

Your boyfriend is cute

sent 8:45pm 4/18/20

Comments

[scotch_egg]

It's always an inquisition. She'll ask so many personal questions. She'll call me Alec. I hate the name Alec. And what if I don't like her food? And what if I have nothing to talk about? It's going to be a nightmare.

[serpentinthegarden]

She will call you what you like to be called. You will love her food cause if you don't I will drown you in the toilet. And if you don't have anything to talk about you will be quiet. Just like the family dinners we used to have during the holidays.

[scotch_egg]

Yes, Aunt Evie. Should I shine my shoes? Clean my ears? Are we going to say blessing before supper or would you prefer before and after?

[serpentinthegarden]

Basic hygiene rules apply. Blessings are always said before the meal. Bring candy. She loves candy.

[scotch_egg]

I hate you so fucking much.

[serpentinthegarden]

Wait until after dinner to say that.

[scotch_egg]

I will hate you before dinner, during dinner, after dinner and the rest of your fucking life.

[serpentinthegarden]

Totally up to you. Grace wants to know if you are allergic to anything.

[scotch_egg]

No and definitely not shrimp puffs.

[which is to say he'll probably die, but it'll be worth it]

[serpentinthegarden]

No shrimp. Gotcha.

When is a good time for you?

[scotch_egg]

I don't care. Whenever. Just tell me so I can get it over with.

[serpentinthegarden]

She says Saturday. It will give her time to buy everything she needs.

[scotch_egg]

Fine. One and only time. [he's not letting you do this to him again]

[serpentinthegarden]

Sure.

[ Time would tell if this really was the only time. ]

the evening after the dinner

[scotch_egg]

Sorry.

[serpentinthegarden]

ur not.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ He sent that stupid small little message and considered leaving it like that, maybe blocking Alec's number but the longer he thought about it the more his temper flared and his fingers moved over the phone's touchpad. ]

It's always been like this. We have NEVER been able to have a conversation or to just talk without some one getting tossed down a hill or or threatened with a lizard... I don't even know why you are here! You asked me not to shut you out. I thought, hey maybe he wants to make up, try and build a few bridges... So I tried, invited you over, and all you could do was sit there and find ways to make me look like an ass. Well, congratulations it worked!

[scotch_egg]

[it hadn't been Anthony that invited him but Grace, but that was neither here nor there. Anthony had a point. He'd done nothing but cause trouble since he came, however accidentally, on the fringes of Anthony's life. Well he hadn't yet decided if he wanted to but the 'Different' fiasco took that choice from him.

There was no good answer to this or anything to make it better so may as well just be honest and get it over with]

Have you ever known me to able to have a conversation and just talk? Especially in front of someone I don't know well? It wasn't my intention to make you look like an ass, and I am sorry.

But I'm not like you or Dad. [or anyone in his family really, with effortless words and effortless charm. Somewhere along the way his own had been misplaced, as if he didn't really belong after all. If not for he and Anthony's physical similarities, he would have had doubts]

I never know what to say or what to do. You just seemed to have a happy life for yourself with children and I just wanted to know.

But it's fine. I'll stay out. You won't hear from me again unless it's an emergency.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ Ah, but Anthony had told Grace his cousin was in town. Knowing her as he did he knew the invitation would come and give him an excuse to invite Alec over. If he hadn't wanted that to happen Anthony simply wouldn't have told her a thing about it.
Besides it wasn't like Alec would have come if the invite had been from him! His dear cousin had already refused to meet him for breakfast. ]

That's shit. If you hadn't wanted to make me look like an ass you wouldn't have brought up all those childhood stories. You started in almost as soon as you arrived.

[ It wasn't only the awkward question... ]

You are an idiot.

[ Once more he thought to just leave it there. Wash his hands of Alec and just walk away. To Hell with him! ]

[scotch_egg]

[he wanted to say that it was revenge for being manipulated into coming, but in the end he shouldn't have done it. Even if he hadn't, the evening would have gone downhill the moment he'd gotten in the door so it wasn't as if there would ever be a different outcome]

Sorry.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ But a few hours later he was texting again. ]

I don't want to never see you again! You fucking idiot! I just wish we could be family, like exist in those sitcoms... You are the only one that knows what is going on.

[scotch_egg]

[and a few hours after that, sometime around midnight after having stayed up far too long thinking about it]

I can't be who you want me to be to make that happen. I don't know what you want me to do about it. I can't even be that person with my own immediate family. I couldn't even be that for

[he tried to delete the last part but his thumb slipped and he sent it instead.

Shit.

Forget it and move on. All he could do]

I will never be able to be what you're hoping for.

[which should be the end of it but...the last part bugged him until a few minutes later he was texting again]

Are you referring to the 'Different'?

[serpentinthegarden]

[ As it happened he was still up and alone when these late night texts came in. It was difficult to sleep these days as the memories some times returned as dreams. ]

Ellie? What stops you? You don't have to say anything just show up from time to time. She loves you.

[ Maybe showing up was the difficult part. Alec would have to let some one get close to him, wouldn't he? Something he seemed vehemently opposed to...

Anthony sighed and nearly tossed his phone aside. After all he was a lot that same way. He wanted to be closer to people but always kept his deeper thoughts private. What good does that ever really do?? And maybe because he was running punch-drunk on a lack of sleep or because right now he felt like he was loosing grip of his mind like Alec had warned he actually typed in... ]

Yeah. I'm scared.

[scotch_egg]

[Just show up? Anthony saw what happened when he showed up anywhere. Routinely. And yet he still had hope it would be different this time, cute dumb bastard. Ellie loved everyone, so that hardly counted, and a cheerful life besides. He'd hate to be he one that sapped that from her.

It would be an uphill battle to address it, so he wisely chose not to

Instead on the next message he decided he would take the Bureau down. To gut it from within like a fish and leave its carcass to rot in the sun. How he was going to do this, he had no idea, but there was no excuse for frightening the piss out of everyone because of some mysterious agenda.]

I'm still up if you want to come have a drink.

[serpentinthegarden]

[ A drink?? At this hour! ]

Where?

[ It sounded like a good way to forget. ]