[phone call, to Yotsuyu Naeuri on October 30 at 9:56am]

[hardtoignore]

[At first, all that can be heard is rushing water and breathing. Harsh breathing. Honestly, not the best start for any conversation but Clarence has been trying to get ahold of his emotions for the past hour and it's all just started to crumble to hell anyway, so this is the best he could hope for until he can talk to someone about this. When he finally speaks, he can be heard over the water, but just barely.]

Yot-tsuyu? I'm... I need some... advice. I'm sorry! I'm, you're working but... please.

Comments

[darkenedmoon]

Well. What I would do, were I you, is make a list. And list the pros and cons of living with Kris and Phil. It doesn't have to be an excruciating exercise, just...pros would be what you like about being there, and cons are the opposite. Then, if the former outdo the latter...

I hardly think they've been terrible to you. But this way, it would certainly be your decision. Even I am not trying to sway you, just giving you a way to...focus? It is a big decision, I can understand your distress.

[At least here, she can have a clear head about it!]

[hardtoignore]

Deciding on if they’re good or bad... that’s not the hard part.

[He takes another deep breath and exhales, haggard.]

[And then his voice gets real small.]

... What if I kill them?

[darkenedmoon]

[There's a pause where she's utterly silent.]

Whyever would you?

[Not that she sounds particularly horrified. Even if she thinks this is more a thought exercise, not a legitimate question, at the moment.]

[hardtoignore]

It’s not like, like I want that to happen! But I... I already lost two who adopted me. What if it happens again? Or what if...

[He’s also strangely quiet now, like he ran out of tears. Or maybe he’s gotten beyond the crying and is now in the silent shock of it all.]

Th things I see in my memories, the weird Different ones, they don’t show me as a good person. I attack people all the time, I hurt them and laugh. And I’ve definitely killed someone before.

[His voice has gone almost monotone, like he’s zoning out.]

My existence is a curse.

[darkenedmoon]

[This might be dangerous, but...Yotsuyu laughs, now.]

Well. Then I shall assume that is why we are friends. Because whoever my other self, my Different self, is...she is not a nice person.

Nor could I tell you whether or not my niceness here, in this time and place is a desire to be...Different, from her. [By the tone of her voice, Yotsuyu doesn't intend it to be a pun] Or if my nature simply changed due to nurture. But we are not the same as our others. Just because that is what you see, does not mean that it needs to be. I pray I am making sense.

But I do realize the temptation may be there. [To be evil. She has Elliot to be a role model for, at least...]

[hardtoignore]

[Clarence responds with a humorless huff of air that may have tried to be a chuckle.]

Evil people attract one another, huh? Sorry, but I can't see you being a bad person.

[He pauses to think.]

I think... your words make sense. I don't like to think I'm just destined to stay stuck in some way, no matter how my life works out. That makes effort doing anything feel useless. And if that's the case, why care about art. Or friends. Or anything.

[darkenedmoon]

Darling, that is a compliment, but you do not have my memories. [Which show Yotsuyu that, if nothing else, she was not the nicest of people, if they have also raised more questions...]

Precisely. Or, even if that is what your other self's memories have showed you? You do not need to consider yourself trapped there. You are still you.

[Though she gives a light chuckle there, as well.] I've no need to be cruel or bad, if the ones I care for are all happy, now, do I?

[hardtoignore]

And you don't have mine. You don't know the things I've done. Or what I've felt. There, or here. [The truth was he was certain he wasn't a good person, no matter how much he tried. He may not be a murderer but that didn't mean he wasn't capable of it. Or hadn't considered it before.]

... But what if you wanted to be bad because the ones you loved were hurt by someone? What if you wanted to make them pay? Would you do it?

[darkenedmoon]

[The smile Yotsuyu gives Clarence is not one that might settle his soul; not at all. If she actually had more memories of her other self, the answer might be different. But she responds to him, anyway.]

I would. In a heartbeat, and without remorse. And if I could find a way to do it without being caught? So much the better. But I do not think I'd care if I were caught. If I could draw it out and heighten their pain? It would only please me more.

[hardtoignore]

[He stops, considering, and finds himself feeling... validated.]

So... if I could do it... you’re saying I should?

[darkenedmoon]

[That gave her a moment of pause, and she narrows her eyes, then, in thought. Not that that transfers over the phone, but Yotsuyu is silent for a few excruciating moments.]

What is this tangent about, Clarence? Perhaps this is something best dealt with in person.

[Only part of her might be concerned about who might be listening in to this...]

[hardtoignore]

[Clarence is quiet for a while. A long while. Then he takes a deep breath and his voice is soft again, somewhat strained.]

Um... Maybe, yeah.

... Yeah.

[darkenedmoon]

Perhaps tea? Or lunch somewhere? Within the next day or so? [She'd rather talk this over as soon as possible--and not within his fosters' earshot. What they don't know cannot hurt them.]

You may pick, and I shall pay.

[hardtoignore]

Tea maybe? There's some nice cafes in the area...

[darkenedmoon]

I did say you could choose, dear. You tell me, I can find it. That or we can motor there in my car. We'll just arrange it with Kris and Phil.