June 2nd

[bearshermark]

[Text to Yotsuyu]

So I got the job I applied for. Student Extern for the medical services department of the IBA. 10 hrs/week. Flexible schedule.


[Text to Clarence]

I got the job.


[Text to Lisa]

So I don't want to worry you, but I feel like you should know. I started working in the medical services department for the Bureau yesterday.

Comments

[bearshermark]

[The message flashes as read almost immediately. There's a period of about fifteen minutes where he starts and stops typing near constantly. Then stops altogether for about half an hour.

Though he doesn't fully grasp why, he feels like an idiot- and worryingly like he might have lost one of his friends because of it. He has his reasons of course, and they even make sense, but suddenly they don't feel like enough.

Finally, after he's yelled at his ceiling and punched his pillow a few times, he sends a message lacking all pretense when he's all but convinced himself that she'll never talk to him again]

I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you.

-> video;

[traceofeffort]

[She starts typing. Stops, backs it out. Tries again. Tries a third time. Gives up, then-]

That shouldn't be enough, dammit!

[Her eyes are red and wet, her face is bright red, her words come out choked, and she's shaking, but she refuses to look away.]

That s-shouldn't be enough... but I don't know what I expected. Lord, if nothin' else, you're easy to understand and you have your heart in the right place. Just... it hurts, Elliott. It hurts a lot. More than I thought it would. It'd take a lot more than this to drive me away, but this can't happen again. I'd go crazy.

[bearshermark]

[He doesn't hesitate a moment to pick up the call, though his heart shatters to see how much he's hurt her. Guilt writ clear into his face.]

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Lisa. I promise I won't blindside you with something like this again.

[traceofeffort]

[He doesn't deserve her getting hysterical. The small part of her that thinks he does is being a vindictive bitch today and will be dealt with later. She takes a long, shuddering breath, and calms her nerves a little. Some of that vindictiveness transfers to her tone, though.]

That- helps. I'm holdin' you to that, though. And I hope you understand, I wouldn't be doin' this if I didn't care about you. If somethin' happens, say the word - I swear I will come down there and pull you out with my damn bare hands if I have to. So... [Lisa deflates, her voice dropping to a low, almost pleading note.] Please, be careful? I'd rather you not do it at all, but it's too late for that now. So if you're going to, don't get into trouble. And don't let them change you, make you someone you're not. I... I like you for who you are, yeah? [Her face was red anyway, but... that comment isn't helping.]

[bearshermark]

[Elliott breathes a great sigh and lets his hands drop into his lap. For a moment, all she'll see is his hair.

Then he's smiling again, something fragile but hard-won and so full of relief and resolve]

Yeah. Yeah, I promise. Thanks. I'll make this up to you any way you want.

[traceofeffort]

[His smile looks a lot like hers feels. But they're there, both of them, and that's... something. It's not progress, because they shouldn't have been there to begin with. But it makes her feel a hell of a lot better.]

I don't want anything, Elliott. I never did. Just... all of us making it through whatever the hell the Bureau has planned for us. We're not going to agree on how to deal with things, but we both want the same thing at the end of the day. Come home safe. That's what I want.

[bearshermark]

[Elliott draws in a breath, then releases it. She's right; they probably won't agree, but he wants them to be okay. He nods]

Okay. I will. I'll text you every day when I get out, if that's what it takes.

[traceofeffort]

You don't have to, but... I'd like that, if you don't mind. It'd put me a little more at ease, I think?

[bearshermark]

[He nods, resolute. This much, he can do]

It's done. I said I didn't want to worry you, and I don't. I'll set an alert on my phone so I don't forget.

[traceofeffort]

Okay. Thank you.

Did they make you do anything strange yet?

[bearshermark]

[His smile strengthens]

No, it was only my second day today. They're just showing me what they want me to do- stuff like rerouting calls, taking notes for doctors, data entry, patient deliveries..

[He shrugs] Normal seeming job stuff.

[traceofeffort]

Well... hopefully it stays that way. Sounds boring, but maybe boring is good, yeah? Better than- [She shudders, just a tiny bit.] -the alternative.

[bearshermark]

[His expression softens alongside his voice]

I'll be okay. I want everyone to be okay.

[traceofeffort]

Me too. I just think working with them is the wrong way to do it. But... you might be a better person than I am. I want that, but I'm a little too selfish for it.

[bearshermark]

[Elliott stares placidly at his phone for a moment, searching for words that aren't going to fuel an argument. He settles on honest ones]

I'm... doing this because I'm scared of what might happen if no one else does. So, that's why I did it.

[traceofeffort]

Of course it is. [Despite the roller coaster she's been on for the last few minutes, her smile is warm.] Like I said, you're a better person than I am. If anyone can do it, it's you, Elliott. So... don't take my worry as a request to stop, okay? I think it's risky, but you also know how I am, so that's probably not a surprise.

[bearshermark]

[He doesn't feel like a better person; just someone caught between two frightening options and choosing what he hopes is the lesser of them. But neither does he know how to articulate that]

..Yeah, okay. Just.. I'm sorry for handling this so poorly. I never wanted to upset you.

[traceofeffort]

You tried. You made a decision in good faith, and I respect that. I'm just a little too... [She waves a hand wildly; she doesn't know the word she wants to use either.] -to be able to handle that. It's... [It's not okay. But that's as much a problem with her as it is one with him.] I accept your apology in the spirit you're offering it, even if I have a hard time with it in my heart.

I'll be okay, Elliott. I just need a little time, and for you to actually come back alive from your shifts.

[bearshermark]

[Elliott nods, guilt still squeezing in his heart but unable to assuage it any further. It's done, and he can't take it back. All he can do is give her that time and assurance]

Every day, I promise.