tramitem_comm | (no subject)

[Anakin is quiet for a moment. Then he pushed away from the counter and started pacing. He didn't look particularly thrilled to hear this.]

One of the Different got earrings she says are from her memories.

Another Different had a tattoo show up on the back of his hand- He says the tattoo was from his memories.

That's all disturbing, but I'm more disturbed by powers that are familiar to me showing up than any tangible object. That...

If this isn't real [ And he still didn't see how it could be. ] The powers aspect is really... invasive.

[Anakin came back to the counter, this time placing both hands (both hands because it was habit) palms down on the cool surface.]

Empathic abilities and telekinesis aren't... abilities any living thing can do on Earth. And clairvoyance isn't a thing either, no matter what network t-v says at three a.m. in the morning.

That we know of.

[ Anakin was pacing. He was standing still - sitting still, even. It was all very, unsettlingly, familiar. ]

Or rather, they haven't until now.

[Anakin looked up sharply, and it wasn't Obi-Wan he was mad at. In fact, he wasn't really mad, he was anxious.]

I'm already a bionic experiment first in the field of prosthetics. I volunteered for that. I don't want to be the first human empath.

I know, and I'm sorry.

We don't know... how much of it's experimental. I just don't know how to make anything else fit.

[ He wants to hug Anakin, but that feels so... much like he's going to break Anakin further. ]

Maybe some of the things that worked for learning to use and control it from the memories can help here.

[Anakin's shoulders slump a little. He knows Ben is trying to help. He would have appreciated a hug - how long had it been since he'd been hugged - but he doesn't think they are at that point in their relationship yet where he could ask for a hug from Ben.]

Okay. [Anakin nods.]

What do you got?

[ Anakin's ability to break his heart is unparalleled. ]

I was thinking more long term. Do you really want me trying to teach you anything?

Well, you know this more than I do, right?

And I trust you.

I might know more than you if the memories are real and if what you're experiencing is directly related to my memories.

I'm glad to know you trust me, but I have no idea why. I wouldn't trust me after the disaster I've made of teaching you so far, and that was much lower stakes.

Oh my god. [This is a short side trip, but let's discuss again.]

Do none of your other students fall down? That was months ago. I have ADHD and it's no longer in my perception of now time. I literally never think of it unless you bring it up.

I am not upset because you fell down. I am upset because you were miserable!.

[Yes. Let's. ]

[Then let us.]

One night, and it didn't upset me that much. And I was upset at things outside of your control. How can I make you see I don't blame you, or hold it against you?

I don't think you blame me or upset with me. I blame me and am upset with me.

[ Big difference, kid. ]

[Kid? He's only four years younger. LOL]

Okay, how can I get you to stop blaming yourself and being upset with yourself?

[ Kid dammit, because- ]

I don't know. I'm not sure you do. I can't even tell how much is coming from another life.

I don't know what's weirder, you just holding a grudge against yourself because of me... or holding a grudge against yourself because of memories of another life...

"I am not holding a grudge against myself," he says, mildly grumpy. "I just have standards for myself and I failed to meet them - and I'm sorry because being a decent friend is something I want."

"Oh my god," Anakin said again and scrubbed at his eyes, partly to hide his smile.

"Don't I get a say in the assessment of if you're a decent friend or not?"

"Of course you do, but you don't get to determine whether I'm happy with the kind of friend I'm being and I'm not. I'll let it go to avoid irritating you further, though?"

Olive branch in the strangest argument ever? Yes.

“Ben,” Anakin said, smiling at this strange man. “I think you are a good friend.”

But fine, if Ben wanted to continue thinking he was a terrible friend, Anakin supposed he couldn’t stop him.

He raised his hands to show he'd stop trying to force Ben to see what he saw.

"I'm glad. Let's drink tea, talk some more about memories and see what we can work out about making this emotion thing a little easier for you to live with. ...While I'm blind. Based on memories that may or may not be real." There's a quick flash of a grin there, though, because believe it or not? He feels better after all that stupidity.

Anakin slouched against the counter, a despondent look on his face.

"I wish the memories would stop." He knew wishing didn't do anything, but he felt he needed to say that, to someone, who was a friend. Because... Ben was the one person who came the closest to fully understanding.

He sighed and then nodded. "What do you got?"

That expression and simple statement broke his heart - or at least made it ache like it was. "I know. I wish I had a way of making them stop for you."

For everyone really, but mostly for Anakin. He remembered their meeting and more of Anakin's history now and he knew that those memories must be truly, truly, bad. The urge to hug Anakin came back, stronger.

"What I have is mostly meditation and some basic shielding concepts to keep other people out with focus. You might be better equipped now than the first time I tried to teach you."

"I'm not very good at meditation," Anakin said. "Would you believe if I told you I don't like sitting still for long?" He smiled.

"But I'll give it a shot."